Eulogy for Sr. Paula Marie Hennessey

Presented by her nephew, Joseph M. Grisanti, M.D.,

at her funeral mass December 5^th, 2007

            Stone Phillips the former anchorman of the award winning NBC news program 20/20, once did a special on happiness.  He set out on an assignment to try to determine what it was that made people happy.  More specifically, he set out to find happy people, and sought to identify what it was about these people… what, if any, common characteristics they shared… would lead to happiness.  He wondered at times if “he” was truly happy… and sought to find a “formula” for happiness by studying and identifying others who were happy.  He studied, the rich, the educated, the politically powerful, gifted athletes, people with great jobs, people with no jobs, healthy people, and people dying.  He interviewed married people and single people.  And what he found, to his dismay, is that none of these qualities guaranteed happiness.  He did not find a correlation between financial wealth and happiness.  Nor did he find a correlation between athletic prowess and happiness, nor did political power, or a successful business equate to being happy.  What Stone Phillips and the crew of 20/20 found was the happiest group of people that could be identified… as a group… to his surprise… were the Amish.  Here we have a group of people without automobiles or internet access or even electricity… a group of people without cell phones or mass transportation being the happiest group of people he could identify.  And when Phillips looked closer as to what it was about the Amish that made them so happy… what he found as the source of their happiness was the profound sense of community they had built with each other.  Each member of the community felt like they were important… and that they belonged.

            Paula Marie was one happy soul… and I begin my message to you today… to honor the life of this incredible woman with a story about “community” because I believe it is this profound sense of community that Paula Marie felt with you… and the profound sense of belonging… of the sense that this was her home… that brought her such great joy in her ministry.  Sr. Paula Marie was born Eileen Hennessey on September 5^th, 1917.  She was the second youngest of 14 children.  My earliest memories of my Aunt were as a young boy in the mid 1960’s when she was Principal of St. Rose of Lima’s School in the Buffalo area.  At that time, as many of you will recall, Grey Nuns of the Sacred Heart wore a formal habit.  My mother insisted we refer to my Aunt as Sr. Paula Marie, out of respect for her and her ministry.  Later when we were a little older, and the dress code became a little less formal, Paula pulled us aside and insisted we call her Eileen.  Indeed, she would sign all of her correspondences to us as “Eileen.”  So while you refer to her as “Paula” we affectionately referred to her as “Eileen.”  I thought it is important for you to know this up front because if I slip and refer to her as “Eileen” I wanted you to know I’m referring to our guest of honor today.  Over the years, I found her gracious charm and charismatic smile very endearing… and as I grew up… my love and admiration for her grew as well.

            Where ever she went… she never forgot her family back home in Buffalo.  Whether she was in Pennsylvania, Massachusetts, Georgia or Alaska, she always managed to find time to write a note from time-to-time to various family members.  As a kid, I forever was impressed that this humble white envelop that showed up in our mail box, got its start from her pen in Kodiak, Alaska.  When I was in medical school, her letters of faith and encouragement frequently brighten an otherwise long day.  Back then, I kept her letters tacked to my bulletin board in my bedroom and to this day I still have them all saved in a shoebox I keep in my closet. 

            Now… this profound sense of community that she came to know and love… was something that I did not easily understand.  Indeed, it wasn’t until only about five years ago, that I think I actually “got it.”  Before this, in my ignorance, I sometimes wrestled with feelings of resentment toward her ministry with the Grey Nuns… because I perceived her loyalty and obedience to the order… to be an interference with the little time we’d get to share with her.  When she accepted a third assignment in Kodiak, Alaska at the age of 78, I was really disappointed because I didn’t have any hope that we would get to see her again for perhaps many years.  After she moved back to Yardley, I would take every opportunity I could when I had a conference in Philadelphia to catch the train to Yardley to visit with her.  Typically I would land in Philly on a Friday night after seeing patients all day, and I’d have to be at a meeting at 8:00 or 9:00 the next morning.  I’d roll into Yardly at about 9:00 in the evening and Paula along with one of the good sisters would be waiting in the car to pick me up at the train station.  On more than one occasion, I seem to recall hopping a fence to get to the other side of the tracks where the car was parked.  She would always save me a plate of dinner in the cafeteria and she would make a point to introduce me to all her friends we passed in the hall on the way down.  Then we’d sit and talk in the cafeteria until close to midnight.  Later she’d walk me back to a room she reserved for me behind the chapel.  I occasionally had the chance to share mass with her the next morning.  Regardless of what time I had to leave, she would always see to it that I had plenty to eat before I left.  One night when I was visiting about 5 years ago… I broached the subject of her death.  Being a doctor, I somehow felt like I should have an inside line on this subject.  Still not fully grasping the magnitude of the concept of “community”… I asked her where she would like to be buried when her time had come.  I fully expected she would say… she would like to be buried in Holy Cross Cemetery in Buffalo next to her brother Fr. Paul Hennessey.  She was close to her brother and worked with him from time to time during her early years as a Grey Nun.  They were equally proud of each other and their ministries.  To my absolute astonishment, she said that she wanted to be buried here in Yardley with her community.  It was then that she opened my eyes to the wonderful concept of “community” that she was so proud to be a part.

Paula Marie had life all figured out.  And while I frequently had questions, she always had an answer.  There were times when I believed she was the smartest person I have ever met.  She had no need for high level mathematics.  Molecular biology was never a burning issue with my Aunt.  And I’m quite certain she doesn’t remember the significance of the Emancipation Proclamation or the location of the Mason-Dixon Line.  Life was very simple to Eileen.  She believed in treating all people with dignity and respect, and she expected no less of us.  A woman of great character, her faith and belief in God were the foundation upon which she built her life.  Because of her faith in God, she went through life feeling like she was protected.  She had few real fears in life, because she believed our heavenly Father was watching over us.  She did not see the world as a cold, callous, and troubled place… just the opposite.  She saw the world as a warm, nurturing, and loving place.  She believed in the goodness of all people.  She was an eternal optimist.  And she transferred her image of the world and her optimistic temperament to us as well.  Paula Marie was the kindest, gentlest human being ever to walk this earth.  She was pure undiluted human earnestness.  She never had an unkind thing to say about anyone… and I do not remember anyone ever having an ill word to say about my aunt.  She was the most selfless and generous person I have ever known.  Paula Marie believed in the courage and triumph of good over evil, of kindness over animosity, of life over death.  And we believe it all the more, because we saw that courage in her.

Paula believed that it was the interaction with members of her community that polished her and made her smooth.  Not only did her experience as a member of this community bring her great joy, but she also explained to me that her experiences with members of her community contributed in a large way to her spiritual growth.  And if we were to try to analyze what it was about her that made her such a successful human being… we find it was her instinctive feel for what was really important in our lives.  Her kindness and gentleness, graciousness and humility underpinned all of her actions.  She approached life with amazing grace.

As we gather today to celebrate the life of this incredible woman, we give thanks to God for the life of a woman we are so very proud to be able to call our aunt, our friend, our confidant, our inspiration… the unique, the gentle, the extraordinary, and irreplaceable Sr. Paula Marie Hennessey whose beauty, both internal and external, will never be extinguished from our minds.  May God bless Paula Marie… and may God bless the community she so dearly loved.

REFLECTIONS

Sister Paula Marie, GNSH

December 4, 2007

When I was reflecting on my association with Sister Paula Marie over the last 50 years, a scripture passage immediately came to mind. It is in the 5^th chapter of Paul’s letter to the Galatians where it is written, “The fruit of the Holy Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.” Now, does that list not describe Paula? I am sure that all of us gathered her tonight at one time or another experienced how Paula gave witness to these qualities. I’d like to share a few stories of how I experienced Sister Paula Marie’s many gifts.

Paula was postulant mistress for a few of us gathered here. Imagine the challenge of trying to teach teenagers and young women in their twenties how to become a nun! This experience must have been one where all nine of the Spirit’s gifts were put to use, especially love, patience and self-control. Paula tried to keep us busy and out of trouble. She kept a close watch on us and actually entered into whatever she asked us to do. If it involved scrubbing a floor on your hands and knees, Paula also got on her hands and knees. She liked to take us on long walks. I think she was trying to exhaust us. Paula taught us to pray and was always an example of a prayerful, loving, kind person to us.   

Paula called me in to talk to me one day and said that she had noticed that I didn't talk very much at recreation.   (I was terribly shy and quiet in those days).  She told me that she really wanted me to participate with the others.   I must have looked scared and anxious, so she said to me, "Now I know you can't imagine what you will say, so take this, read it and you can talk about it at recreation tonight".    She handed me a book of cartoons!     When I went to recreation that night, I was a nervous wreck.  And every time I spoke, I checked the front of the room to see if I was living up to her expectations!    (It's not too hard to get me to talk any more – did you notice?) 

Paula had a sincere interest in people and the ability to make people feel at ease. She enjoyed engaging in conversations but the focus of the conversation was always on the other person. I have a few examples to share.

In recent years, Paula did many little things to help me in my ministry at St.

Andrew’s. Several times a year she and Sister Alice would make phone calls to parishioners to recruit volunteers to give blood at our blood drive. Both of these sisters talked to the parishioners and assured them of the prayers of the Grey Nuns. In one of these conversations, Paula discovered she knew the person at the other end of the phone.  It was Dolores Carver, who had been in Kodiak at the time Paula was there. What a small world! Paula and Dolores were both so pleased to renew their friendship. This conversation resulted in visits and dinner with Dolores both here at the motherhouse and in Dolores’ home. Years passed and now Dolores is a resident in D’Youville Manor.  A wonderful example of Paula’s love, joy and gracious spirit of hospitality.

Paula always liked a good time! On one occasion the youth group at St. Andrew’s sponsored a senior prom. Seniors in high school invited senior citizens in the area to come to St. Andrew’s for dinner and dancing. The high school seniors dressed in their prom dresses and suits and ties. Paula, Sister St. William, Sister Bernadette Marie and several residents from D’Youville Manor came from the motherhouse. They visited with the youth, enjoyed dinner and even danced a slow dance! On the board outside the chapel there is a picture of Paula and one of the young girls.

In 1995, I sent a letter to the congregation asking for volunteers to serve in Kodiak. One day at lunch someone at the table asked if anyone responded to my request. I said, “no,” and Paula who was also at the table said, “I’ll go.” At so at the age of 78, Paula went to Alaska for the third time and served the people of Kodiak for  five more years. What an act of generosity, faithfulness, kindness, self-sacrifice and love! Part 2 of the story! Before Paula left for Kodiak, Msgr. Joseph Tracy had a missioning ceremony for Paula after the 9 o’clock Mass at St. Andrew’s. Following the service, a woman in the congregation approached Paula and said, “My daughter teaches at St. Mary’s School in Kodiak. Please look her up and say hello for me.” And so, Paula had a new friend in Kodiak even before she arrived there.  Amazing connections!

Connections…..Paula had special ways of staying connected to her friends. One of the ways she stayed connected to me was through simple acts of kindness. Paula loved irises. I also love irises. In the summer, when Patsy Geary’s irises bloomed, I would bring a few to Paula. She was always so grateful. Periodically, I’d get an iris back. It was in the form of a photo, a greeting card, a plaque and a mug which is on the desk in my office.

Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Paula had them all. Thank you for your life and the love you shared with us, Paula.  May you now rest in the fullness of God’s glory!

Reflections and Memories of Sister Paula Marie Hennessey

Shared by Sister Patricia Watkins, GNSH

December 4, 2007

When Marilyn Repsher and I were senior novices we were called to Mother Ita’s office and were told we were being sent to Immaculate Conception in Lowell, Ma. to teach .  Sister Paula Marie was the Principal and the Superior of the house. My first encounter with her was an assignment to wrap a package in brown paper. So I was at a work station and had the brown paper successfully on except for the end on the right side.  Having lined up all the pieces of scotch tape on the end of the table, I reached for a cut piece and realized there was a presence on my right side.  Now Paula and I were about the same height, but as soon as I realized it was” thee” Superior she grew immediately to about 12 ft and the scotch tape bent itself around two of my fingers. My hands grew clammy and I somehow managed to get another piece of tape on the box,, flip it over and put on the twine(which the Post Office allowed then).  As I went to tie the knot Paula graciously put her finger there.  And I, afraid to do it too tight, just knotted it.  She never said a word just slipped her entire hand under the twine and walked away, package dangling at her side… (no doubt to tie it in secret).  Although knowing Paula she may have left it that way considering it my best effort.   I found out ,years later, that the whole thing amused her as she surely did not see herself as formidable in any way.

Another event etched in my memory  occurred one  Saturday afternoon.  We were chanting Office in the chapel while Mr. and Mrs.  Elias were visiting across the hall in the parlor.  Sr Mary Peter and I were choristering  from the front  pews when a little mouse ran across the length of the chapel and someone in the front row gave a big whisper: “Mouse!”.  The music stopped dead and there was a lot of scuffling behind Peter and me. As I looked around, I could see nuns standing on the prie-dieux and Sr Mary Clare crawled up on the organ bench ..  Sr Paula Marie was standing next to her in utter bewilderment as she was the only one  paying attention. to the Office and not the mouse!  Later,  I made a cartoon of a church-mouse singing the Office and a picture of all the nuns on their various perches.  It was the first time I ever saw Paula laugh out loud…. And…Mr. and Mrs. Elias wondered why the music all  stopped so suddenly, so we retold the story and showed the cartoon.  We also had "Benedicamus" at supper that evening…a rarity in those days.

Almost everyone talks of  Paula’s graciousness and thoughtfulness.  When I was counseling  at a parish in Trenton,  Paula would hear my car come in around ten thirty or eleven every night and come down from her Scriptorium (as she called her room as she often wrote notes and letters there ) and receive me.  A GN tradition used to be that we greeted travelers at the door and offered tea and toast.  I literally begged her not to stay up  but she persisted until I convinced her ultimately that I extraverted all day and could not do justice to the evening tête-à-têtes since I was a flaming introvert!

When  Paula and I were stationed  in  the Retreat Center together…she had charge of the books.  One evening as I passed her door I saw the light on and went in.  When I questioned her, she said she had been over and over the columns and could not balance the books.   I said how much are you out?  And she said, “ a penny.”  Paula was that precise about everything and super-conscientious.

One day again in the Retreat Center I decided to tie some ribbons on the medals we had in the gift shop and put them on little lace doilies popular in those days.  I would paint pink or red roses on either side of the medals and that would precipitate the buying… or so I thought.  So Paula and I sat down  racking up about 20 or 30 medals when I heard her say “ This is tedious, isn’t it?” and I said something like “Well, yes but we may sell more”. Then, I was called away  (I was still doing counseling part-time) and sort of forgot about the doily things.

Many, many moons later, and for some occasion,  I got a card from Paula . As I slit the envelope and opened the card, about 20 little tiny ribbons, all tied, fell out. (Those tedious ribbons ,finished, measured smaller than two inches, by the way)  She never let that one go and periodically I would either find one  under something or hear tell of it again.  So, my dear Paula,  (I know your spirit is still lingering here as you wouldn’t want to leave anything unfinished)  it is only fitting that I send you forth with your very own paper treasure, with a pink ribbon and roses. . . (tape it on coffin) and I say  finally :

     Your life was gentle and full of fun; and the elements so mixed in you that Nature herself might stand  up and say, Now, THIS. was a woman!    ( freely  edited from “Shakespeare.”)

Reflections on the Life of

Sister Paula Marie Hennessey

December 5, 2007

This morning we celebrate the life of Sister Paula Marie Hennessey, Eileen Marie Hennessey.  Sister was born in Buffalo, New York and was a member of Holy Angels Parish.  She graduated from Holy Angels Academy after which she entered the Grey Nuns of the Sacred Heart.

Not only was Sister involved in education in the elementary, secondary and junior college levels, but she also served in spiritual programming, community service in outreach to the elderly, employment services and office work.

In every form of service, Sister Paula Marie was known for her graciousness and ready smile, hospitality, self sacrifice, supportiveness and acceptance of others.  She was witty, funny and had lots of energy.

Her graciousness and supportiveness was noted by one of our sisters who was missioned to Lowell, Mass. in 1953.   She was this sister’s superior and principal and new to the position.  Sister Paula Marie carried herself with confidence and dignity and never asked anything of the sisters that she would not do herself.  Under her tutelage, the sisters learned much about prayer, spirituality and genuine kindness.  She taught them much about how to be good teachers, good classroom managers, but above all, how to love the children.

Sister Paula Marie was sacristan at D’Youville College where the altar boys from Holy Angels served Benediction at 3p.m. on Sunday afternoon.  One Sunday afternoon the door was open in the sacristy which gave full view to the dormitory with the sisters’ beds all lined up in perfect order.  Of course, there were several questions like, why do nuns have to sleep in rooms like this?   With her usual graciousness, Sister Paula Marie answered all the questions diplomatically and gracefully shut the door.

On Monday of Holy Week in March, 1947, a five alarm fire destroyed the rectory at Holy Angels Church.  The fire miraculously stopped at the church wall, but the Chapel and sacristy suffered heavy smoke and water damage.  Sister not only organized a clean-up crew, but stood on a ladder herself in the chapel in the process of getting everything ready for Holy Thursday—which it was!  In 2001, the 150^th anniversary of Holy Angels Church, sister participated in the procession carrying a picture of the school which she attended and where she taught for 11 years.  At the reception, students recalled cherished memories of her.

While at St. Jude’s in Atlanta, the principal asked sister if she would use her creative genius to help teacher morale.  She took it upon herself to write positive notes to various teachers, send scripture quotes and put in little candy treats.  No one knew she did this, but it made a difference to so many.

One of our sisters who took over her class in Atlanta recalls Sister’s creativity in teaching science.  Sister left so many creative ideas behind that it was hard for this young sister not to like teaching science. 

One of her former students in Atlanta said of her:  “She pulled and pushed me to succeed!  She did not drop the standards just to pass me on!  She was a strong woman, determined and firm; however, always with a soft touch.” 

Along with her teaching, she took courses in speedwriting and then was invited to teach it in hotels in Atlanta and in Jacksonville, Florida on Saturdays.

Her sense of self sacrifice was evident throughout her life.  The move from Atlanta to Kodiak in the middle of the year was an example of that.  The father of one of our sisters was dying and sister wanted to be near her parents.  A volunteer was sought to go to Kodiak and Sister Paula Marie responded.  Was it that she loved Kodiak from the days she spent there in her youth—or because she knew the value of helping a sister who needed to be with her family?  Probably it was both and more.  

In 1995, the congregation was again looking for volunteers to go to Alaska.  At the age of 78, Sister Paula Marie once again showed her generosity and self sacrifice and  volunteered to return to Kodiak for the third time.  At the time, she was the receptionist, although she did much more, at D’Youville Manor.  Here she had reached out to the elderly.  She had an innate ability to know what to say to residents when they were troubled or upset, and the same with family members. 

The Activities Coordinator asked sister to speak at a gathering of residents to tell them what she was about to do.  The Coordinator said it was so touching to see Sister Paula Marie, who was every bit as old as the residents, telling them of her new adventure, and watching their faces as they reacted in amazement that this woman, their peer, was taking off for Alaska at their stage of life.

In Kodiak, this time, Sister Paula Marie devoted her time to residents of the Care Center, a facility of Providence Kodiak Island Medical Center.  Here she assisted with group activities; visiting individuals and bringing Communion to Catholic patients.  She also volunteered at the Kodiak Senior Center at the reception desk and helping as the need arose.  In her own words, Sister Paula Marie summed up her time there:  “this has been a wonderful journey, during which I have definitely received more than I have given.”

The pastor at St. Mary’s said this busy sister is also a gracious hostess to guests of the parish.  “Sister Paula Marie is a caring person with a ready smile who takes care of everybody.”  The Therapy Recreational Supervisor at the Care Center said:  “I think she makes each resident feel very special and she lends such a bright and cheery attitude, she is always so happy with them.”  Yes, Sister Paula was much loved and revered in Kodiak  from her teaching days to her volunteer time. 

Sister was known for her warm hospitality.  One of our sisters brought her nephews to visit Sesame Place and arranged to have them stay at Marguerite’s Place, located then on the second floor of the Motherhouse.  She was welcoming to the boys and arranged to have candy available in their rooms.  The four year old, not quite understanding the concept of a Motherhouse—after indulging in many of the treats—exclaimed, “Wow this is a really great hotel.”  She laughed and often referred to that story as the boys grew up and she grew older.  One of our sisters commented:  “she could run a bed and breakfast.”

 So many said of her that she was always delighted to see people and was most welcoming.  Sister was so attentive that when you were in conversation with her, you felt as though you were the only person in the world and nothing was more interesting than what you had to say.

 Sister was also very accepting.  In April of 1968 when she was principal of St. Rose of Lima School, she attended the NCEA Convention in San Francisco with a colleague from an area high school.  They were housed in a second rate hotel in a “not so great” location.  On the morning of their departure, Sister Paula Marie and others walked to a nearby Church for the 6:45 a.m. Mass.  Needless to say they encountered many asleep in the doorways and some “hung-over” sending these greetings.  “Hello sisters, you people are great.  Will you pray for me?”  Sister Paula Marie smiled and graciously responded.  The others couldn’t wait to get to the church.

 There was a special place in her heart for her family.  She spoke of her niece, Eileen and the twins and the fun she had hearing stories of their accomplishments.  She enjoyed the house in Derby and often spent time there with her brother.  At her jubilee, she enjoyed holding an infant who was new in the family and her face shone with joy.   Her vacation was spent visiting the various members of her family. 

 Sister showed her great love for the congregation and St. Marguerite in all she did and was.  During her time as postulant mistress, she taught the postulants the Life of Christ.  In order to teach them how to meditate, she did her own meditation out loud.  One of the postulants who was a little older than the rest (24 years old), stood on the sidelines watching a viscous ball game called saluchi.  It was meant to keep the younger postulants occupied and happy.  This postulant wondered how Sister Paula Marie could play the game as surely she was older than twenty four.

One of our sisters shared with her a Korean blessing.  When you say good night to someone at the end of the day, you say to them: “Sleep in harmony.”  While they lived together, they always exchanged that greeting.

 So as we leave this chapel today, what do we take with us as we go about our daily life?  I suggest that we consider our own lives and ask ourselves some questions:

• How gracious are we to others?  How accepting are we of others?

• Are we willing to make sacrifices for the good of others?

• Are we hospitable to all?

Sister Paula Marie, we thank you for your life among us.  May you sleep in harmony with your God.  And may we, Grey Nuns, family and friends “never refuse to serve.”

Sister Marlene G. Butler, GNSH

President